A strange thing happened the other day.
I was leaving a restroom at the end of a long isolated hallway in a shopping mall when I had an unusual encounter.
A quick aside: I’m tall, broad-shouldered (despite being skinny), usually have some stubble, wear a chain around my neck, a few steel rings, and dress in all black most days. I also like to walk fast. I’m no Amos Burton, but I can see how I might seem a little intimidating, which is why I generally try to paste a small smile on my face. (Which, come to think of it, is something Amos does as well. Damn.)
When I think I’m alone (for example, when I leave a restroom at the end of a long isolated hallway in a shopping mall), I have my resting Russian face on: neutral, serious, emotionless.
Now that I’ve painted you that quick mental picture… There I was, speed-walking through the long and dimly lit hallway, when someone stepped toward me from around the corner. The stranger was a short guy with a big belly, about 45. He glanced at me, and his instantaneous reaction was to flatten himself against the hallway wall – face to the wall, butt out. There was plenty of room for the both of us to pass each other without so much as a stray touch, but nope. Straight-up fear and panic.
I speed-walked past him without acknowledging him or making the already weird situation even weirder. Still, I’m curious what precisely he’d thought in that split-second before he decided to (unsuccessfully) merge with the wall, and what he thought afterwards. Did he regale his friends with tales of that terrifying encounter? Or perhaps that’s just a quirk of his, and that was an everyday experience? So many questions.
Unbiased and objective self-perception can be difficult. Objectively, I know I’m taller and hairier than most people – yet it always surprises me to realize I’m almost as tall as most doorways. I try to keep a peaceful half-smile on my face, and cross the street rather than walk behind women after dark, and generally try to be as non-threatening as possible. And then, of course, there are random encounters when I don’t have my mask on, and folks freak out. Not often, but often enough to make me wonder: what on earth do I look like to others when I’m just being myself?
I guess I’ll never really know.

