Category: pool chronicles

Turns out my giant mutant size-16 feet make great flippers.

Also, I may have invented a brand new style of swimming. It combines the arm movement of the butterfly stroke and the leg thrashing of a mentally challenged frog. I call it… the G-stroke. Awww yeah.

Achievement unlocked: paddling in place for 15 seconds as long as I don’t breathe or open my eyes. 2016 summer Olympics, here I come!

Pool chronicles, Day 1: scared a bunch of black children with my infinite whiteness; then amused them for 90 minutes with my attempts at floating.

Achievement unlocked: 5 seconds without drowning!