Bacon and mushrooms
Make any pizza divine.
Hello, perfection.
Latest Entries »
The saddest thing I’ve seen all month: while I was out at Walmart, carefully selecting the 12 worthiest donuts that would have the honor of going home with me, an overweight old man walked up to the display.
“Great minds think alike!” I punned.
He sighed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders: “No, I just come here to look at them.” He sighed once more and shambled away, an empty shell of a man.
The saddest thing I’ve seen all month: while I was out at Walmart, carefully selecting the 12 worthiest donuts that would have the honor of going home with me, an overweight old man walked up to the display.
“Great minds think alike!” I punned.
He sighed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders: “No, I just come here to look at them.” He sighed once more and shambled away, an empty shell of a man.
“I’m still trying to work out the link between some guy’s resurrection and chocolate egg-laying bunnies with no maternal instinct.”
by yours truly
Turns out my giant mutant size-16 feet make great flippers.
Also, I may have invented a brand new style of swimming. It combines the arm movement of the butterfly stroke and the leg thrashing of a mentally challenged frog. I call it… the G-stroke. Awww yeah.
You know how some people say their hobby is swimming? Well, mine is “not drowning.” If I try really really hard, I can swim across the pool (so basically 20′) before I lose balance and start gurgling chlorine. Yaaaay…
Achievement unlocked: paddling in place for 15 seconds as long as I don’t breathe or open my eyes. 2016 summer Olympics, here I come!
Pool chronicles, Day 1: scared a bunch of black children with my infinite whiteness; then amused them for 90 minutes with my attempts at floating.
Achievement unlocked: 5 seconds without drowning!
I think I’m becoming a book hipster: just finished reading an amazing book – “The Martian” by Andy Weir, but you can’t buy it anymore because some big studio bought out the rights and the only way to get it now is as an audio book. In other words, nya nya nya nya nya!
The book is about an astronaut who was left for dead on Mars by his crewmates. Only he’s not quite dead – and he’s very resourceful… Here’s a few select quotes if any of you want to give the audiobook a try:
“Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble.”
“The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They’re gonna meet in the middle!”
“no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”
“Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”
“Thanks for gathering samples. But leave them behind. And one of your arms, too. Whichever one you like least.”
“I’m turning my pee into rocket fuel. It’s easier than you’d think.”
“It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”
Want to know more? Go over yonder and download the audiobook while you still can!
Another month, another e-book. I think I’m getting better at this whole productivity thing!
My latest e-book is “Roommate Survival Guide: 33 ways to stay sane and have fun.” The idea had been bouncing around inside my head for a long, long time – ever since I published my best-selling book “Go to college without going broke.” Unfortunately, I’m pretty lazy… I finally got the motivation to put my thoughts on paper after I made a pretty big purchase a couple of weeks ago. There’s no such thing as too much passive income, and the new dent in my budget provided more than enough inspiration to start writing.
What’s so special about this book? Well, as far as I can tell, it’s unlike any other book or article on roommates out there. From what I’ve seen, most of them are filled with generic advice and written by people with minimal (or non-existent) roommate experience. I, on the other hand, have had over 80 roommates over the past nine years. (I move a lot.) Most of the 33 chapters in my book contain some sort of example from my personal experience, followed by a few practical tips.
Like most of my other books (with the exception of “Madmen’s Manifestos”), Roommate Survival Guide is fairly short but highly informative. I could have easily imitated the “For Dummies” series and filled my book with dozens of cartoons, anecdotes and pointless trivia, but I respect my readers too much to waste their time. It’s got condensed information, useful tips, some of my trademark goofy humor, a few useful links – and that’s pretty much it.
As always, I’m giving away my new book for free for a few days. You can download it over yonder all day today and possibly tomorrow. If you like it, please feel free to leave a 5-star review and tell your friends. If you don’t like it – hey, at least you got it for free. I always appreciate any and all feedback from my readers, so by all means feel free to leave a comment, tweet or email me.
Thanks, and I hope you enjoy my newest creation!
Grigory Lukin.com 