I realize that my Google search history has been even stranger than usual lately. In case it triggered some red flags in your byzantine surveillance system, I’d like to assure you that I’m merely doing research for an e-book on serial killers and do not intend to cause any harm to my fellow human beings. (Well, not counting the girl at the local Subway who took 20 minutes to prepare my sandwich the other day and should probably get fired.)

Please don’t send a flying killer robot (or “drone,” as you like to call them) after me.

Best regards,